hey god, if you're listening...

oh dear heavenly father from above,

my name is james and i'm the overlord of the cicero rockstars fantasy baseball enterprise. i would like to cordially thank you for allowing me to run game in my three other leagues, especially #3, and thank you for some of the finer things in life: 12-6 curveballs. the hello neighbor chapstick-looking-device, incredibly dank marijuana, rap records, and katy perry's breasts. seriously, divine providence shines upon us each and every day if we're not too busy to look around for a second.

that said, as i embark upon my mini-baseball odyssey starting tomorrow and heading into the middle of the week, i would like to ask you one little favor. can these rumors of vlad skipping a rehab assignment and being back in time for the white sox series be true!?@ you see, i'm going to be the schmuck at all three games rocking my anaheim angels hat offset by my OG expos vladimir guerrero jersey, as i have been doing for the last 8 seasons.

as a vladimir guerrero afiocionado, this season has been rough. his streak of 11 straight seasons of .300+ 25+ HR (tying him with *only* joe dimaggio) is undoubtedly coming to an end this year... c'est la vie, eh?!@ nonetheless, the 4th quickest hitter to 2000 hits in baseball history still has some game left and will undoubtedly grow into a grizzled AL DH who should be able to hopefully get into the low-mid 500s for homeruns and achieve 3000 hits and howevermany RBIs and whatnot whilst maintaining a .315-.320ish career average and a damn good looking back of the baseball card.

if it's not too much to ask, could you do a solid for a player and give him some vladimir guerrero love at this forthcoming angels series?!2 whenever the angels are in town that's kind of like my baseball moment, seeing as you kind of let those motherfuckers junk my baseball team, le expos, systematically kill them not too undifferent from discombobulation-type-mutilation (look up the story of jeffrey loria taking the farm system and all of the scouting computers from the minors when he ran down to florida and bought the marlins. and look at how productive the marlins farm system is. and why the nationals fucking sucks. the best farm system in baseball, traditionally anyways, ended up in florida.

so now there's a reanimated corpse of a team running around the nation's capital with a fucking walgreens logo on their hats that creates a sucking sound so loud and profound on a clear night even 1000 miles away you can hear it off in the distance if you listen. i implore you to try it... go outside on a still night and listen for a tiny little sound of sucktitude and you can smile and sleep easy knowing that somewhere somehow the washington nationals are out there sucking far more than you could ever possibly dream of sucking even in your wildest dreams.

i got over the expos thing. i kind of wear the having-a-dead-baseball-team-thing on my sleeve, not too undifferent from brooklyn dodgers fans. so thansk for that, i mean really thanks... but foreal dude, what's up on some vlad this week!?@

your humble vessel, servant, and ass-kicking-death-robot,

# james